Negative to Positive

Going back in Time

So, in my previous blog I discussed that in my past I didn't have anyone to give me the confidence we all need today. With that being said, lets get to it. My Life!
January 19, 1993:  I was born into a family of 1. Yes, I'm an only child (pretty much says a lot) and no, I'm not those annoying-proud-to-be-an-only-child kind of person. Since I was all by myself I was really close to my parents. My mom said I was a miracle baby because she had a hard time getting prego. She prayed each day to have a baby and well at the age of 32 she found out she was having a baby. 33 yrs old she gave birth to me Pauline R. Duran. Back to being close to my parents, I was first closer to my dad because he couldn't say no to me. Every time I wanted something I got (c'mon did you really expect me not to get spoiled). So anyways, when I was 6 yrs old my parents separated. Usually everyone thinks a child doesn't know what's going on, but I did. All that pain was hidden in my heart, never to be expressed. Once that all began I felt out of place and fearful for loneliness'. My cousins' became my siblings (well, kinda!). I would usually talk to them about boys' and stuff, you know the typical. By the time I got to junior high I was basically trying to find myself. Girls' started having boyfriends, boys' started looking at the cuter girls' and me well I became a follower. Till this day I still can't believe I was a follower. Never in my mind did I think I could go that low.
High School of 07-2011:  My cousins' and I became further apart. In high school while everyone would do drugs, drinking and dating, I was single and to them I was a child just because I didn't want to "join the club." That, made me feel more out of place, but in my head I would tell myself "Pauline, don't be a follower because, someday you will be the leader." So that would keep me out of trouble. I remember, that because of me being a "BIG" girl I could never wear cute clothes and I had to cover up. Every time I just wanted to feel beautiful, something or someone would bring me down. Whether it would be my mom telling me "You would look so much prettier if you just lose weight" or the way those skinny girls' would stare at me, you know that stare you get that makes you feel awkward. I felt like everyday I had to prove myself that I was worth it. Sometimes when I would get home, I would go to the bathroom and cry my eyes out from just looking at those girls that seemed to not have no problems at all. Senior year I was finally tired of it all. I became more independent with myself and finally didn't care. What made me like this? Well, I really don't know. Maybe I was just tired of feeling down or maybe it was the fact that I only had 2 old friends left and they even felt out of place. I would give them long talks telling them they were worth it and that they were beautiful. Finally, I listened to what I was telling them and used my own advice. I joined dance class and met new friends that encouraged me a lot more. On the day of our dance concert I did my new friends makeup. Once that happened I realized I really liked it, especially since they really loved the way they looked. I didn't end up graduating with my class but in the summer.
2012: I realized my once true old friends' became my unexpected enemies. Once I let those two out of my life I noticed that I had been caring all of their "worry weight," on me and noticed I was way better off without them. Now, I felt like I was the Queen of the World. My mom told me I had to do something with my life so, I decided that I wanted to go to college and become a Radiologist. I got into community college and realized this isn't my dream it's my mom's dream. I told her and she agreed with me. Thankfully, she did agree because usually parents want to control us but, I wasn't gonna let that happen because this is my life. I control where I'm gonna end up and I wanted to end up being a Makeup Artist for celebrities. Now, I knew it wasn't gonna be easy and be a long road to get to but, I'm willing to go through the ups & downs. Committing myself to go into cosmetology school was easy but, the on the road of it was difficult. Dealing with drama each day was not my thing so, I told myself to not open myself up to friends' at all. I ended up meeting some nice people, 4 at the most and still connected to 3.
2013: Graduated cosmo school and still practicing for my license. Sometimes I'll have friends' ask me to do their makeup, nails, or hair. My intsagram is theofficialpully. I still deal with confidence issues but as long as I keep my head up and be thankful for what I have I know I could get through it all.

Love you my beauty junkies!!!<3 PRD.    "Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it." - The Lion King